Style Conversational Week 1185: Can you get blots of ink from some literal ones?

I was inspired to do the Style Invitational ink blot contest of Week 1185 when I was combing the 649-ink oeuvre of Hall of Famer Jennifer Hart for a week's worth of Style Invitational Ink of the Day graphics (the latest term for them is "social cards"). And among Jennifer's 14 first-place entries was this one from Week 148, the third and most recent Invitational contest to interpret any in a series of ink blots. That contest was labeled "The Rorschach of the Crowd IV," but there seems to have been no III.

Those contests ran in the pre-Internet years of 1993, 1994 and 1996, and The Post doesn't have them online. But I dug up some PDFs of what seem to be microfilm, and share them here (I'm also sending copies to Ur-Loser Elden Carnahan so he can post them on his indispensable Master Contest List.). The blots for Weeks 30 and 77 are at left; there's a link to the ones for Week 148. Those contests were all put up by my predecessor, the Czar of The Style Invitational, who wasn't deposed by the Empress until 2003; they ran during the flush newspaper years when it wasn't a problem to put seven runner-up prizes and a giant horse costume on your expense form.

WEEK 30, SEPTEMBER 1993
Report from Week 30, in which you were asked to interpret any of four Rorschach ink blots.

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Disturbing results. Thousands of entries, many of them too crude to publish — even for the Style Invitational, which traffics proudly in subliminal poopy jokes. The things you saw in these innocuous blots! And you were unnervingly synchronous: More than a dozen of you turned Blot C upside down and saw “Ross Perot in a pith helmet explaining his economic program, using Richard Nixon hand puppets.” Frankly, it weirded us out.

+Seventh Runner-Up: (Ink Blot A) Brain surgery by corkscrew, a money-saving procedure under the Clinton health plan (Patricia Smith, Fairfax Station)

+Sixth Runner-Up: (Ink Blot A, upside down) Bill Clinton’s Harley, with training wheels (Ken Wood, Columbia)

+Fifth Runner-Up: (Ink Blot C) Minnie Mouse at the gynecologist (Wendy Borsari, Washington; also, Dave Zarrow, Herndon, and Heidi Moore, Alexandria)

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+Fourth Runner-Up: (Ink Blot D) J. Edgar Hoover, playing “I’m a Little Teapot” (Sue Davis, Beltsville)

+Third Runner-Up: (Ink Blot D) The avenging angel of clubbed baby seals (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

+Second Runner-Up: (Ink Blot D, upside down) A rabbinical student flexes his muscles for the much-coveted Mr. Tel Aviv trophy (Matthew J. Peterkin, Washington)

+First Runner-Up: (Ink Blot C) “I can’t keep going and going and going. My feet are killing me!” (James H. McDonough, Indian Head)

And the winner of the two-person horse costume:

(Ink Blot C) Disney horror! Mickey Mouse spotted carrying two severed heads! (Steven King, Alexandria)

Honorable Mentions:

Ink Blot A:

Carmen Miranda on a bad fruit day (Dan and Lecia Harbacevich, Stephens City, Va.; also, Claire Timms, Fredericksburg)

Dogs’ spit-in-the-cup contest (Ann Hall, Fort Belvoir)

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The Mayan god of panhandlers (Gregory Dunn and Karen Wright, Alexandria)

Two Bavarian beer drinkers with big hangovers (Barbara Kallas, Washington)

Ink Blot B:

Socks found “sleeping” on Pennsylvania Avenue (Bob & Lisa Waters, Andrews Air Force Base)

Socks, after 10 minutes in the dryer (Lynne DePaso, Herndon)

(upside down) Olive Oyl on the cotton-candy weight gain plan (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Garfield the Sailor Man (Bill Myrons, Crofton; also, Adam Hirschfeld, Annandale)

(upside down) Lani Guinier, cheerleader (Joyce Small, Herndon)

The Tasmanian devil at ballet class (Beth Tucker, Manassas)

Ink Blot C:

(upside down) The Big Bad Wolf polishes off that first little piggy (Mike Thring, Leesburg)

“Attack rabbit” as seen by Jimmy Carter (Stu Segal, Vienna)

New, non-threatening Tailhook convention logo (Robin D. Grove, Washington)

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(upside down) Bob Dole (Elizabeth Rangan, Dayton, Md.)

Ink Blot D:

(upside down) The director of “Roseanne” backs the star into her chair through hand signals (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

A Lamb-Chop-skin rug (Dan and Lecia Harbacevich, Stephens City, Va.)

Cabbage Patch roadkill (Katherine Struck, Columbia)

The second go at the ink blots was in Week 77, in September 1994. By then we had a new cartoonist, some whippersnapper in St. Louis named Bob Staake. .

FOR WEEK 77, 1994:
Report from Week 77, in which you were asked to interpret Rorschach blots. Many of the better entries utilized more than one of the blots. One of our favorites was by Noah Schenendorf of Gaithersburg, who said all six blots, taken together, represented "works of modern art by Desmond Howard, for which Redskins GM Charlie Casserly paid millions."

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Third Runner-Up: (Blot 3) This ultrasound view of the female abdomen shows that storks really are involved in human reproduction. (Steve Dunham, Fredericksburg)

Second Runner-Up: (Blot 1) What [The Symbol Known as Prince] intends to name his first son. (Kevin Mellema, Falls Church)

First Runner-Up: (Blot 6) It was not until deeper excavations on Easter Island that the colostomy bags were discovered. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

And the Winner of the Two Frogs Playing Pool: Halloween in Georgetown (See illustration at top of page) (Dennis Goris, Alexandria)

Blot No. 1

A chandelier made from the spines and vertebrae of politicians. (Richard E. Brock, Adelphi)

Major league baseball owners have resorted to genetic engineering to produce replacement players. Initial attempts have been unsuccessful. (Kurt Larrick, Burke)

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The common wishbone, redesigned to meet federal safety standards. (John J. Kammer, Herndon)

Blot No. 2

Marilyn Quayle comes face to face with the Devil. (D.J. Dohahey, Reston)

The controversial Shroud of Mary Tyler Moore. (Gloria Federico, Springfield)

Blot No. 3

The Cowardly Lion after cosmetic surgery. His doctor misunderstood when told the lion wanted little tucks around his eyes. (Ann M. Burton, N. Bethesda)

Dan Quayle’s Zero Population Growth Plan involves Air Force fighters destroying stork habitats. (Earl Gilbert, La Plata)

The June Taylor Dancers performing “Swan Lake.” (Larry Gordon, Potomac)

Blot No. 4

What Madonna wears to church. (Susan Davis, Beltsville)

A reflected image of a decapitated buffalo, next year’s Bills logo if they lose the Super Bowl again. (T.L. McBride, Upper Marlboro)

Blot No. 5

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(Upside down) Opus, bound and gagged. (Stu Segal, Vienna)

(Upside down) A rear view of refrigerator repair men building a human pyramid. (Marta Graffy Sparrow, Springfield)

Mickey Mouse checking Stan Laurel for head lice. (Doug Burns, Falls Church)

The ill-conceived Mighty Morphin Power Penguin. (Mike Thring, Leesburg)

Blot No. 6

The jacket cover for the new book “Women of the Supreme Court.” (Joseph Romm, Washington)

Manic-depressive thought balloons. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

There were constant arguments between the twins as to who would get to wear both earrings that night. (Paul A. Alter, Hyattsville)

(Upside down) A new form of birth control: ankle weights for sperm. (Bill Epstein, Bethesda)

And Last: Mr. Style Comes a-Courtin’ (Kathleen Pendracky, Avella, Pa.)

And finally ...

WEEK 148, 1996
Report from Week 148, in which we asked you to interpret any of four ink blots [see them here]:

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Second Runner-Up: (Blot A, upside down) A pair of giant, cleavage-feeding hummingbirds attack two women involved in a tug of war for the last Wonderbra in the lingerie department. (James Hopenfeld, Arlington)

First Runner-Up: (Blot A) In a stunning reversal, crabs get a man. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

And the winner of “The Scream” by Edvard Munch:

(Blot B) The American Bar Association logo: two vultures on a field of billing receipts. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Honorable Mentions:

(Upside down) Bob Dole wearing his campaign “smile enhancer.” (Kirsten Schneider, Fairfax)

A supine woman with exposed reproductive tract and several links of sausage draped across her belly. What pervert devised this contest, anyway? Jim Ketchum, Columbia)

Mr. Toad and his hat at an X-rated movie. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)

Two flying monkeys, each of which first wonders if the woman who left her tennis shoes and bra at his feet will learn to love him, and then thinks, “Yeah, and maybe a flying monkey will fly out of my butt.” (Mike Connaghan, Gaithersburg)

(Upside down) The Reliable Source, Annie Groer and Ann Gerhart. (Jim Day, Gaithersburg)

(With musical notes) Mighty Mouse to save the daaaay . . . (Audrey Scruggs, Alexandria)

(Sideways) The Ear No One Reads. (Mike Connaghan, Gaithersburg)

Leonardo Da Vinci even left sketches for the Wonderbra. (Jessica Steinhice, Washington)

Autopsy X-ray shows Elvis’s real cause of death: a severely worn-out pelvis. (Dave Zarrow, Herndon)

Overlooked footprint recently discovered at the murder site by O.J.’s investigators. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)

Bad: An octopus is thrown onto the ice during a hockey game. Worse: The Zamboni runs over it. (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)

Georghe Muresan’s wisdom tooth. (David M. Magness, Arlington)

An octopus with at least a million tentacles, probably more. — Louis Farrakhan (Greg Pickens, Alexandria)

The Eggplant From the Black Lagoon. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

What John Bobbitt’s appendage would have looked like if Lorena had had access to a shredder. (Priscilla Pellegrino, Great Falls)

A squid on Prozac. (Tim Sweeney, Churchville)

All blots The family tree. (Nancy Israel, Bethesda) [Don't try something like this for Week 1185]

And Last: (All blots) They are the first four letters of the alphabet. I don't know what your problem was. This has GOT to be the easiest contest I've ever seen. (Mike Connaghan, Gaithersburg)

THE BARDS AND THE BEE*: THE RESULTS OF WEEK 1181

*An alternative headline suggested by several people

A vaultful of ten-dollar spelling bee words — some of of them tongue-tying mishmashes of letters (solenoglyphous?) — didn’t deter the Invite’s crack squad of Loserbards from incorporating them into rollicking poems, from limericks to “Raven” parodies. This week’s results are, not surprisingly, more ooh-clever funny than bwahaha funny, but we have room for both kinds in Loserland. And — huh! imagine! — many of the entries concerned a certain no-longer-presumptive nominee.

Almost everyone among the 14 po’ets who got ink this week gets frequent ink in the Invite’s poetry contests, and the Losers’ Circle was full of Usual Suspects: Chris Doyle, Nan Reiner, Beverley Sharp, and the new-but-already-venerable Jesse Frankovich. I’m not going to count out how many of Chris’s 53 first-place entries have been for poetry, but it’s a big chunk of them.

We do have a couple of sort-of newcomers; it's just the fourth ink (but all in a short time) for Sarah Jay, of the Raven/campagnol parody. And Jayne Osborn, whom I met last month at the West Chester Poetry conference — where she'd brought me next week's second prize, the weird egg timer, all the way from England — gets her second blot of ink. Jayne, by the way is sort of the Empress of the social side of the poets' forum Eratosphere, organizing dinners for members who live in or are visiting Middle England.

What Doug Dug: Ace copy editor Doug Norwood weighed in on his faves this week — and they happen to be the first- and second-place finishers. It almost never happens that my colleagues (or anyone else) agree exactly with my picks, so I'm delighted that Doug's taste continues to improve.

STILL TIME TO BE FESTERING

I just booked a room for Friday and Saturday night, Aug. 26-27, in Pittsburgh for this year's Loserfest. Among the activities is a show on Saturday by the Second City troupe on its national tour; shockingly, it's going for a political theme. Loserfest Pope Kyle Hendrickson has arranged an impressive variety of tours, workshops (make a glass sculpture), museum visits, weird stuff like Knockerball (I'm sorry to miss this one), and of course lots of caloric sustenance. Sign up or get more info at Loserfest.org.

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